Whose the Man?

This is something that I'd written a long time ago for a good friend of mine. This is his life, this is his story.
1. Get up early in the morning at 04:00 Hrs
2. Boil up the following
   1. Regular Tea
   2. Herbal Tea
   3. Black coffee
3. Wake up wife and offer her the above concoctions - try not to stutter.
4. Hide face and delicate areas on one's body just in case wife spits the concoction after tasting it – This is the usual case, unusual is the case when there is added extreme physical abuse.
5. Clean oneself of the splashes if spat upon or if assaulted then fix the injuries. Apply foundation on the black eye if the need be – Wife does not like husband looking like a bruised terrorist.
6. Adorn the apron (if unavailable then try the maxi, churidar, sari as per availability) and head to the kitchen to cook up some lip smacking delicacies – boiled eggs, potatoes & beans garnished with roughly diced onion and terribly sliced tomatoes [can't blame one for having the knife handling skills of a penguin].
7. Set the breakfast on the table and take cover in the bathroom before wife begins to gorge on the culinary delights.
8. When in the bathroom, take the opportunity to wash oneself. Care must be taken not to wash away the foundation applied on the black eye.Remember, Wife does not like husband looking like a bruised terrorist.
9. After having been through the grueling bathing session, head back to the dining area and clean it up.
10. Do the dishes
11. Vacuum the carpets
12. Mop the floor
13. Wash the car
14. Get the trash
15. Walk the dog (i.e. taking the stroll all by oneself)
16. Before heading to office check the foundation on the black eye – remember, Wife does not like husband looking like a bruised terrorist.
17. While at the office, ping wife every half an hour in an effort to convince her that one is not having an affair with one's boss's secretary.
18. Ping wife every 15 minutes to convince her that not having an affair with boss's secretary does not make one gay.
19. Head to the school to pick up the phantom kid and drop him/her at home – this is practice session, don't want to look inexperienced when the actual exercise begins.
20. Once done with the office work head to the super market to pick up the domestic consumable goods – Eggs, potatoes, beans, onions and tomatoes to be precise.
21. Report back at home on time to prove that one is not having an affair with boss's secretary.
22. Prepare lip smacking dinner comprising of boiled eggs, potatoes & beans garnished with roughly diced onion and terribly sliced tomatoes – are we not done with this thing yet?
23. Do the dishes
24. Whilst wife heads for the bed, one takes position on the couch for the slumber
25. Try catching some sleep.
26. Wake up 04:00 Hrs in the morning. Check on the foundation on the black eye – remember, Wife does not like husband looking like a bruised terrorist.


Know what, after reading it all the married guys tend to get that smirk on the face while thinking "Gee, I'm not the only one!"

The Knowledge of Ignorance

The greatest of all knowledge is the knowledge of one's own ignorance. It is in the fire of this knowledge that one's ego burns and dies.